everything i will never get to tell you

i am leaving so much for those that'll get left behind. 

and to breathe, full and free from all that is keeping me tied down. to let my bangs fly away in the wind from moving too fast. to see how you're doing without being with you. to become all the things you've said i was and more. the trees shall dance and the flowers will float to my hands. i'd keep them in a vase for whenever you'll stumble upon this small town.

im sorry for the fact that i have been killing myself. im sorry for feeling that i need poison in my blood to be able to function "properly" and "efficiently". i hurt people by being myself. how dare i crave an intimacy i have always run away from? let down and rejected. how dare i write about love and feel as free as if the living horrors in the world do not exist? i am not complicated, but rather unintelligible.

hello. this is quite a weird time to give you an update on how i am doing. throughout the years, i've lost a lot of sentiments i had towards you, but i have gained a couple of new ones. i know i'll never get to tell you how bad i felt about how we both left. you truly were a friend i could have had for life, yet i always feared the same comfort that i yearned for. i've grown past and far from the boy who was your friend and i'm sure you've done the same. i can only imagine how much you've achieved for yourself since then, and i can only hope that you chose your own peace. i'm always thankful. and i haven't forgotten about what you've taught me. i am very happy where i am now. i hope you are too.