GAB (it's complicated)

12/11/24

merry christmas and happy new year

next year na ata ako babalik dyan. may mga sinabi sakin na nakapag-pabago ng isip ko tungkol sa dumadalas na mga bisita ko sayo. i've been thinking of you too much, and i wasn't even in the picture when it all came down. i needed a reality check and i know you already have nothing to worry about. maybe i'll see you on your birthday, but who knows? i grew up asking what was wrong with me and why i always ended up alone, pushed away, and unwanted. i'm done asking. i would be lying if i said that i now believed that nothing is wrong with me, but i have come so far from all the self-hatred i built from growing up in this... situation. i'm grown up and my heart got so big it regularly swallows worry with no leftovers. it's never fair to argue with ghosts, but did you ever really listen?

dream

we were the owners and on-hand directors ng isang building. it felt like a shelter, a refuge for those struggling or just needing a helping hand. i walked around the halls of the place and found that may mga rooms na buhay na buhay dahil sa events and may mga rooms with lined up beds kung san nag stay ang mga guests. the place was really alive and palipat-lipat ako from one place to another para mag asikaso ng bagay bagay. it felt like the building was effective and we were making a difference. i went outside the building to check sa mga people na kararating lang ng shelter para ma-orient and para magpaalam sa mga guests na paalis. i talked to a couple older than us. they seemed like nice people. i noticed our building was along a main road sa isang bayan somewhere in the province. and then nung pagbalik ko sa loob ng building, i found you. nakatulog ka in one of the rooms with beds for the guests. it looked as though you really didn't want to fall asleep. kararating mo lang at the time and i assumed you came from an outreach or a different off-site project. seeing how you were so tired, i just laid down with you kahit hindi pa matino pwesto mo. ginising kita onti para ma-adjust pwesto mo into something more comfortable then i became the big spoon. it all felt so good. like we were right where we needed to be, doing what we always wanted to do.

12/09/24

uncoordinated watercolor paintings on a rainy sunday evening (collaboration)

her

12/01/24

hello gusto ko na umuwi

words (i did not write most of these)

every 20 minutes
If I am killed for simply living, let death be kinder than man
he was a lone man who finds himself in different places in almost all time sat sulking by a river sleeping on lush fields walks to the graveyard towards ancestral ruins he takes every second as if a tiny pilgrimage there's something to it like a sort of comfort yet unfamiliar to senses but it doesn't matter because in the end he was a lone man who finds himself in different places except his home.
vemodalen
and through my silly, useless, insignificant art, i battle my own impermenance.
and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?
You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetical justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.
You are just a stardust that have gained consciousness, your DNA is very unique, and cannot be replicated again, your life is just a speckle in compare to our universe, very insignificant in our geological time scale. While you are here in a very short stay being conscious and alive, cherish every moment, feel every pain and bleed every suffering. When you become one with the universe again you have an eternity of sleep
countless strangers, lots of rejections, a few new friends, a pair of now worn out shoes, and a story of a lifetime. wow sana hindi na maulit
are these the good days?
i wish i could do more than just remember.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.

GAB (it's complicated)

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Helo & welcome!