CLEANER(S)

i have a new spotify playlist, another one without direction. i'm now a house cleaner and work is nice even if it's tiring. i can listen to music and i made this playlist so i wouldn't have to whip out my phone every couple songs and look like i'm slacking. 

a lot has happened since my last update. i've been here for more than a month now. i got a laptop, savings, assessments done, endless plans to go home and visit, and of course the cleaning job.

i feel like i've been experiencing so much that i can never truly take every moment in. i yearn for a windy sunset and a second to pause. 

because i'm kind of miserable.

things are slowly sinking in (i burned my fingers).

i've started feeling guilty over being sad about where i am in life because my privilege has been growing and my opportunities being fulfilled. i'm scared i'm again becoming someone i don't want to be, i need to be more careful. 

a lot of the nights are sad, but i'm trying my best to keep it all under control. i haven't been too successful with that bwhdabhsba but i am really trying my best.

i'm really fine and i'm handling everything pretty well in my opinon hahaha. i'm very grateful of everything that has happened so far, and having a partner that completely understands just makes life easier. i need to be better for her. 

i'm very hopeful. 

i haven't been able to work on anything too seriously. i can't create much art, but i'm putting everything together little by little. it's a little hard trying to balance so much, this all so new to me.