the first time i wore a suit

i always thought that the first time i would be wearing a suit would be when i finally went to prom and had a blast with my friends. i've always wanted to go to prom. i still haven't had one and at this point i probably never will. kung hindi sa prom ang una kong suot ng suit, malamang sa kasal, no??? but walang kinasal kasi nagkaroon ng pandemic. at dala ng pandemic ay ang passing ng isang taong malapit sa akin. i don't remember if i immediately knew that i would wear a suit to their inurnment (placement of an urn in a cemetery), but i figured that i wanted to dress up nice for the day. i already had a polo, tie, slacks, and high tops anyway. i was only missing a coat. my mother understood what i planned and made it happen for me. 

nagpaguipit rin ako para sa araw mo. ang haba ng buhok ko nun, tapos alam mo naman na insecure ako sobra pag may ganun na drastic change sa buhok ko. halos atakihin ako sa anxiety dahil hindi rin nasunod yung gusto ko sana na gupit. ginawa ko nalang ang makakaya ko para magmukha parin presentable.

wala akong tulog sa araw na yun. and i almost choked for air sa biyahe pauwi. fueled by nervousness and brought down by pain, this was the first time i got to wear a suit. 

(sino magpipicture ng ganyan (panget))

even way before, i thought a lot about how many people would attend the day i would be laid to rest. i know i won't ever forget yours because it's the same as my age when you passed away.