fast-paced comfortably anxious seconds of dripping sweat

it's these redefining moments one dreads and subconsciously anticipates. to be put in scenarios of absolute tension and euphoria. to feel so alive in both the greatest and worst ways. lying therein a balance one is constantly overwhelmed by. the relentless waves impose a revelation that one never wanted balance in the events this journey will take them. one wanted perfection for an imaginary world. a tale no one would care to see. is a deeper understanding of oneself all that is left and meant? are bittersweet stories all one can be a part of? one chooses to be blind to the possibilities laid before them considering one cannot plant their own foot in making their own decisions. is there a greater struggle than knowing what you want but not being able to do anything to acquire it? one lets life take its course and grieves for having no control. one talks with a facade of intellect hiding one's hypocrisy. one asks, "can't forever start sooner?" while praying for most things to be over. one ponders what happens to those who venture in the search for purpose and find the answers to be lacking. where does one go when all else falls to ruin? the sea is so far. the tides are low and no one is waiting.